So last week

I went to see a nurse practitioner and she prescribed me Prestique for clinical depression. On Saturday, Sunday, and Monday I didn’t take it because on Thursday and Friday I felt sick. I didn’t want to feel that way all weekend with work and taking care of Donnie. I just couldn’t handle it. So yesterday I started taking it again, and I just feel blah. Yesterday I felt hungry and kept constantly eating, and today I don’t really feel hungry and I have to force myself to eat because I’m all shaky and light headed. I have to go to work at 3. I feel like a zombie. All I want to do is go back to sleep. I feel a lot worse than I did before. I have to take this medicine for a month before I can kick it to the curb. I honestly don’t want to take it for a month. I’m thinking to heck with it. I need energy, I need to focus, and to not feel so down all the time. This medicine is NOT helping at all. On top of all this I have to get blood work done so they can check my thyroid, because there might be a problem with it. I really hope their isn’t anything wrong with it.

It turns out Kris has a problem with his thyroid, and that’s why he was the way he was. He’s on medication now, and seeing a therapist. He’s getting help, and I’m happy for him. He’s still trying to get me and Donnie back. Right now I can’t consider it because the wounds he caused are still fresh. No matter what actions speak louder than words, and his actions and his hurtful words are preventing me from forgiving him right now. He’s not a bad person, I know that, but the things he said about my son, I can’t even look at him with respect.

On Friday, he came to see Adonis for his birthday. He gave him a toy piano which he adored and loved to play with. He gave me 4 checks of child support for the month of May. He helped me finish baby proof the kitchen and bathroom. We were pretty civil. It was nice. Then he started to “beg”. He’s basically blaming his thyroid condition on why he treated me like his piece of property and why he said all those mean things about his son out of anger. That he’s on medication now, he bought a house, and he’s really trying to get his life together. He really wants his family back. Kris was never physically abusive, but he was emotionally abusive. I don’t want to go back to that. He point blank says the only reason why he’s trying to get me back is for Donnie. He doesn’t want Donnie to be raised in a broken home. I just don’t think that just because you have a kid together does not necessarily mean you should be together. I want to be in love, I want to be happy. I want my son to see what true love is, not fighting/bickering all the time. It’s not fair to him.

tagged as: Baby blog. single parenting. motherhood. baby boy. depression. baby daddy drama.

  1. wordsunderthewords said: Why is Kris lying about being in love with you? I would never want Penny in a broken home, but I sure as hell wouldn’t beg like that unless I loved the person. I’m glad he’s getting help and I hope you can kick this medicine soon!!
  2. removeyourteeth said: You are so inspiring. I don’t know you but being in the same situation with my ex, I feel proud of you. Keep up the bravery, you’re a fantastic Mother. <3
  3. raisingbabyboy posted this

1/6/2011 . 8 notes . Reblog
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